One Chance.

This post isn't going to be long. At all.

I know i never post anymore.. But i felt like it today.

Have you ever been interested in someone who was already in a relationship?
---I have.
Have you ever been interested in someone that had been cheated on several times by the same person?
---I have.
Have you ever been interested in someone that kept going back to someone even after all the stupid shit they make them put up with?
---I have.
Have you ever been interested in someone but didn't know if you were ever going to get a chance with them?
---I have.
Have you ever liked someone for more than 2 years and not been dating them?
---I have.

Now for you, these might be all different people. But for me, it's all one guy.

I'm pretty much at a loss for what to do anymore about him. I'm so confused on the situation.
I can only hope that the way i want it to go, is the way that it's meant to be.

But i only have one chance. One chance to prove to him that i am better for him than her. One chance to show him that he can love me. One chance to be his girl.

<3

Teenagers.

I'm sitting. Thinking. Listening to music.
Not doing anything i should be doing.
How is it possible to love and hate being a teenager at the same time.
(That was rhetorical, i do NOT want your answers.. Sorry)
I have my own reasons...
And since you are reading my blog, you obviously care about what that reason is..

So here you go:
They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me. They could care less as long as someone'll bleed. So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose. Maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me. The boys and girls in a clique, the awful names that they stick. You’re never gonna fit in much, kid. But if you’re troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt, will make them pay for the things that they did.

Teenagers by My Chemical Romance.

That song is so true. I laugh everytime i hear it. It is my life's song.
... That's kinda depressing actually, but oh well.

Being a teenager is traumatic. Probably the most traumatic time in life..
I mean think about it.
Infants- You're always cradled. Someone is always giving you attention. You always get what you want. When you have to pee REALLY bad but are too lazy to get up at 4am and walk to the bathroom... YOU DON'T HAVE TOO! Because you can just shit your pants. Woop. Good times.
Kids- You get more freedom. And though still under your parents rule, you can now go down the street to Dude's house and ride your bike 3 blocks over. But when you fall off and scrape your knee, you can still go crying to mommy and she will kiss it, put some neosporin on it, slap on a band-aid. And then you are good to go play again. But WAIT, don't forget your complimentary juice box you get for being so tough.
Young Adults- You. Are. Out. Of. Your. Parents. House. Enough said.
I'm sooooo ready to be out. At this point, you don't have to worry about being under someone elses rules. Yet, when you are upset, you can still call your momma or daddy and they will do ANYTHING for you.
Adults- You have your own life... Stop worrying about yourself and worry about your fucking kids. Damn.


But Teenagers are a WHOLE different story. Fuck teenagers. Fuck High School. Fuck drama. Fuck relationships. Fuck peer pressure. Fuck homework. Fuck parents. Fuck anything that isn't music.
Music gets me through being a teenager.

Back to teenagers being filled with Trauma.
I mean, i don't know about everyone elses lives. But i LOVED my life, until i became a teenager.
Then, it went downhill. And now i can't wait to just get out.
The worst things in my life have happened since i've been a teenager.


Or maybe it's just that i remember everything more clearly from the past few years than i do any other time period.
Fuck. Maybe i'm all wrong.
I don't know. I just know that i started Freshman year as a Mount Saint Mary Academy Student and i HATED that school with all of my heart. Then to top it all off, the end of the year, my mom died.

Wow. High School blows.



But i guess so do alot of things.

Explanation.

For my first entry in this brand new blog of mine, I shall try to explain and rationalize to myself why i chose the name of my blog as Rainbow Veins.



I was trying to think of something clever, maybe funny, maybe serious, who knows what i wanted actually. I never know what i want. And maybe that's why i chose the name i did. There is a song called Rainbow Veins which is by one of my favorite bands. Owl City. I've listened to it about 17 times since i got home from school today (technically yesterday since it's 1:10AM).
Now, oddly enough, the actual song itself has nothing to do with why i chose the title i did. I chose it because rainbows contain many colors. Like the saying "All the colors of the rainbow." So, therefore, my blog will be about many random, odd, crazy, happy, sad, lighthearted, jumpy, entergetic, lazy, etc. types of entries.
BUT, the second half... Veins. Hmm, veins are quite important to a living things survival right? Well, the things in this blog will be important to me. Enough said. Though you may think they are utterly stupid and pointless. And if you do, more power to you!



Enough with explanation though.
I am quite tired, and though i am an insomniac, i do require some sleep to function properly at school the next day.
Before i dose off, i want to mention something that happened at school today.
4 words- Junior. Service. Learning. Program.
Today was our 3rd day back at our sites. And might i say, i truly do love it there.
Lindsey, Claire and I go to the Arkansas School for the Deaf. Which is quite an experience i must say... But oh boy, today being the first day we actually worked with kids, seeing their faces light up when we walked in had to be the most precious thing ever.
Isabella, my new best friend. This child might only be in Pre-School and i might have just met her today but we hit it off and became pals right away. I can see that working with these kids might benefit them somehow. Yet, i am still at a loss for what they actually are getting out of this.
Just from today i already feel totally impacted.
-I got attacked with attention, hugs, love, smiles, warm faces, adorable shyness.
-I got to play with some of the sweetest kids i have ever met.
-I made 2 new friends that i never want to lose, no matter if they are in Pre-K or not.
-I realized how privaleged i am to have the hearing that i have.
-I'm already learning all sorts of signs in sign language. (Lindsey and I learned all about cars, wrecks, and eating corn while driving out of a bowl with a spoon from Isabella!)
-And lastly, I get to work with kids for the next few months. Period. I love kids.

Honestly, I hope we can impact their lives.

But more importantly, I hope they impact ours.
I'd love to be a better person. It's high up on my To-Do list.
I just always seem to skip those tough ones and go down to the ones like "Do Sociology homework" or "Go buy apple juice".

Why can't everything be THAT easy?